Thanks to long time friend and podcast listener, Toilet for all of this joy.
We’re going to make this really easy, because I really want you to see what our world has become. One-Sheet is going to have a field day with this not to mention some recent flashbacks to his night at the goth club and Doc Oz is going to have flashbacks to a certain texting facade …. don’t worry, he’s not Hanna. Fo sirius.
Here’s what you need to know:
1. Fanfic – short for fan fiction. This is where people who love an already established book series, show, or movie write their own story either in C (cannon: strict to the original story) or AU (alternate universe: where they can change anything they’d like to meet their story needs, for instance in one Dragon Ball Z fanfic I read Trunks never came back from the future but instead was an American teenager). While you may instantly think that fanfics are a lame attempt at wanting people to like them because they are “stealing” other peoples’ characters and stories, some of these fanfics are truly amazing. Just really well written. However… and this is a big however, most are not very good at all.
2. Teenagers – this breed or species most of the time eventually evolve, but when they are in their SERB (Sharked Eyed Rolling–in-the back-of-their-head) stage they are scary, annoying and over all just worthless pieces of humanity. Are all of them like this? No. But let’s say the majority of them is really, really similar to this SERB stage. Just know, that people like this are generally not good at things like spelling, thinking, contextualizing, having rational thought, spelling, grammar, thinking outside of Hot Topic clothing, and most of all spelling.
3. TeH Interwebz – has given a soap box for the masses, and yes, unfortunately that includes idiots who can’t spell, teenagers with out brain activity and asshole movie reviewers who like to podcast on Thursdays. While the internet is a great place for spreading knowledge, ideas, and concepts otherwise lost to the universe without an outlet for them to express themselves. But people who can’t speak, spell, or even think are allowed to get online with out a license of any kind.
With these thinsg in mind, check out the following video. It is a dramatic reading of chapter 17 of what is being called the worst fanfic of all time, called My Immortal by XXXbloodyrists666XXX. Below the video, I have posted some chapters from the fanfic and a link to read them all.
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
“Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!
“What’s up Draco?” I asked.
“Nothing.” he said shyly.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
Chapter 3: Chapter 3
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)
“OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!” she said excitedly.
“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.
“Do you like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.
“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.
“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.
“Hi.” he said.
“Hi.” I replied flirtily.
“Guess what.” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me.
“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.
I gasped.
______________________
I’m hurting and my 3rd grade teacher just blew her brains out. Here is the rest of the chapters…
Now I have to go away.
