ETEWAF – Everything That Ever Was Available Forever.  Sounds great doesn’t it?  In a culture where once valuable nerd knowledge was heftily sought after and praised in your clique it isn’t.

Patton Oswalt is here to show you why.  Why we need to destroy the monster that is the “weak otaku”.  Those half-assed fans of things we’ve known about for years.  People who prefer Army of Darkness over Evil Dead 2, people who can tell you everything you’d ever want to know about Bobba Fett, all from reading it off of the back of a clearly summarized bio card on an action figure. People who think that the zombies are the main characters in The Walking Dead.   It’s infuriating for all of us die hard fans who read through volumes of books and spend hours watching and re-watching movies, and it has to end.

Oswalt does a great job at summing up just how we speed up this A-popaylpse…I’ll let him explain.

Since there’s no going back—no reverse on the out-of-control locomotive we’ve created—we’ve got to dump nitro into the engines. We need to get serious, and I’m here to outline my own personal fantasy: We start with lists of the best lists of boobs. Every Beatles song, along with every alternate take, along with every cover version of every one of their songs and every alternate take of every cover version, all on your chewing-gum-sized iPod nano. Goonies vs. Saw. Every book on your Kindle. Every book on Kindle on every Kindle. The Human Centipede done with the cast of The Hills and directed by the Coen brothers.

That’s when we’ll reach Etewaf singularity. Pop culture will become self-aware. It will happen in the A.V. Club first: A brilliant Nathan Rabin column about the worst Turkish rip-offs of American comic book characters will suddenly begin writing its own comments, each a single sentence from the sequel to A Confederacy of Dunces. Then a fourth and fifth season of Arrested Development, directed by David Milch of Deadwood, will appear suddenly in the TV Shows section of iTunes. Someone BitTorrenting a Crass bootleg will suddenly find their hard drive crammed with Elvis Presley’s “lost” grunge album from 1994. And everyone’s TiVo will record Ghostbusters III, starring Peter Sellers, Lee Marvin, and John Candy.

Check out the full article here.

Also, tell Patton he’s a total badass by Tweeting him @pattonoswalt


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  1. Sigh. I can’t believe I have to be “the asshole” that has to point this out.
    “people who can tell you everything you’d ever want to know about Bobba Fett,” – it’s Boba Fett. I cry now in my nerdom of shame.

  2. “People who think that the zombies are the main characters in The Walking Dead. ”

  3. Nope that was pure spelling error on the Fett man’s name. My apologies Junk. The best is that if you like Patton Oswalt you have to watch his stuff on King of Queens. He is totally playing himself!

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