Last night I went to go see Harry Potter 7.2 (or as we like to call it Warner Brothers Didn’t Think It Through and Fucked The Pooch) at the midnight show. This is kind of an adventure tale, so sit back and enjoy the ride. Eventually, I’ll get to the movie.
On Monday of this past week I went out to our local theater that we like to go see movies at (the old AMC before Regal came in, bought it, and ruined the whole place) only to find out that their power was still out from the night before. We looked inside to where the Buy-It-Yourself-Kiosks were thinking, “fuck talking to someone, let’s just get it the good way…” only to be blown away that Regal uprooted them and taken them away. This now forces you to stand in line, pissed off because you’re standing in line, and talk to the ticket seller behind the glass that you can’t understand anyway because of those horrid speaker boxes they use. I just want to buy my ticket, go see my movie and not talk to anyone there unless they came with me. But I digress… which I am positive I will again further along in the story.
The Regal theater was closed, kiosk-less and lacking of anything regarding information other than the sign in the window stating they were “Closed do to power out.” I did not change the spelling. I tried calling the place to get a voice mail to get information when they were going to be back online or if I could purchase tickets for the Thursday night midnight show for HP7.2. The phone, instead of being a progressive thinking company and bought solid phone equipment, juts rang and rang never going to an alternate voice mail. I’ve worked in the phone industry, and it is not hard at all to forward on calls to an alternate voice mail box for information when your company is out and out like that.
So I figured, a place like that, it had to have the power back on the next day. I drove back there the next day only to find it still closed with the same bad spelling welcoming me. I thought of another theater near by, the Hollywood Palms. I had never been there but I heard great things from people who have. As I was leaving the parking lot I stopped and remembered another theater, a bit further away, but when I had gone to see the abortion that was Avatar there, the people were all awesome and they painted the lobby, decorated and all and all were having a good time with their jobs. These are the kind of places I like. These are the kind of theaters that have the trivia and games before the movies, making the whole evening more of an event than just a movie. I like trivia. Or prizes or what have you. I like the fun factor. Specially for midnight shows. If they were to do it at any other show after the next day on Friday, I would say it’s lame. Amuse the true fans who go see it first. That’s cool. So I high-tailed it over 20 miles to get to this other theater, jogged inside and talked to the ticket seller. He informed me that all tickets were sold out until Sunday evening.
I was a little miffed, but instantly knew it was my fault for waiting this long to get tickets. It was Tuesday and the movie was on Thursday, of course I wasn’t going to be able to get tickets at the fun theater.
I felt a little down trodden but remembered the Hollywood Palms and went right home. I logged online and looked up the site, bought my tickets and got the emails confirmation. I was set.
Then Thursday night came. we left our house at 9 pm. We got there at 9:20 pm for the 11:55 pm showing.
The Hollywood Palms is a pretty nice place from the outside… but once you step inside, it just keeps getting nicer…
While the place has all this swank foliage, that was real… I accidentally tore one of the leaves testing the silk factor only to feel bad that I tore a leaf… I could care less about plant life and water falls in my move theaters. It was the amazing amount of film memorobilia and posters from around the world all over the walls that drew me in. I was captivated by looking at the giant Double Indemnity poster, the Russian Reservoir Dogs flat, all the old movie lobby cards and such. The Producer and I got our tickets and went to stand in line, which was by now pretty long. We still had almost 2 and a half hours to go.
The place was a live with fans and douche bags who were wearing sandles. Let me explain something really quick… you know how when you look at random people and you see something you just don’t like so you assume a negative connotation to them immediately? Like pants hanging well below your ass. Flat-brimmed hats with the sticker still on. Heavy black makeup, complete with trench coat covered in chains and fishnet shirts. Everyone has something they don’t like. Me? It’s dudes with sandles or flip flops. There is nothing more emasculating and makes you look more like a complete douche bag and preppy fucktard than wearing sandles or flip flops. I have a special place in my Hell when I become Lord and God for those who don sandles. Girls, it’s OK. But it’s also OK for girls to use tampons.
So we’re in line listening to the fans gaggle on about how excited they are for this scene or that scene. This does not bother me at all. I love fans. I love people who are so dedicated that they are not only coming to the midnight showing the day before but also because they dress up. Waiting in line doesn’t bother me either. I don’t mind the wait. I never have. But what is killing me at this moment is that fact that every 3-5 minutes a loud speaker blurts over the auditorium we are waiting in and says “Attention Harry Potter fans…” Everyone in the room silences. The sweat on this backs are rolling in puddles thinking of being ready to be let into the theaters to see the movie they so desperately crave to witness! Everyone is hushed. Then the loud speaker man continues, “…be sure to buy tickets for next weekend when Draco Malfoy will be here to sign autographs.” Everyone in the room releases a sign in unison and bewilderingly enough people walk up to the ticket booth to buy tickets to come see him. That doesn’t bother me. We kills me is that they are charging people to come see the movie again AND he’s charging $25 for an autograph and $40 for a photo with him. He might has well go to Wizard World and be one of the lonely that go there…Wizard World. Haha… double joke!
Its at this point The Producer points out the tiny piece of paper taped to the glass where we bought out tickets. It literally reads “Reminder: There is a one item purchase minimum per person to sit in our theater.” While the wording is tremendously awful at explaining what the fuck it’s trying to talk about, we get the slight notion that since we bought our tickets… already paid for our tickets… WE GAVE OUR FUCKING MONEY TO GET TWO TICKETS… now we are expected to buy more shit we didn’t want? I’m sorry. I didn’t know I was going to be watching strippers while HP7.2 raged on the screen. I had no idea that I was going to be looking at titties all night.
There were no titties. There were no strippers.
They thought that since they had such a cool atmosphere we were there for dinner too. I don’t go to see movies and have a meal. I go to see a movie to see the fucking movie. I’m becoming aware that people think this is a weird concept.
Finally we are let into the theater. And the walk in is a cool one. The place is littered with movie posters galore. I had heard that the rooms were themed. I couldn’t wait to get in and see which one we were in. We could be in a film noir room, a jidaigeki room, a horror room! I was too excited. When they informed me which theater I was to be seated, I told the Producer,”get in and find us seats. I don’t want to sit on the outside, I hate the outside.” I’m the asshole who likes to get in first, line up the seats directly in the middle. She responds, “is the outside worse than the front?” I say “no, you’re right. I do not want to sit in the front.” We walk inside and see this…
While the cartoon theme is pretty cool, two things burst out at me immediately and piss me right the fuck off:
1. This isn’t the animation / cartoon room, it’s the fucking Disney room. Sure they have a Superman and a Batman and the Simpsons in life sized models circling the higher points of the room, but almost everything is Disney and Warner Brothers… and I fucking HATE Disney and Looney Tunes. I couldn’t find one foreign animation icon in the whole room. No Totoro. No Gundam. No Little Prince. No Akira. No Evangelion. These are not weird names to be looking for in an animation room. These are fundamental, extremely popular animation icons. And I know I may be stretching, but that really pissed me off how pompous it was to see no foreign iconic cartoons represented.
2. Where are the theater seats? It feels like we walked into an office chair warehouse. All these office chairs, the same freaking chair I sit in everyday, next to a table. I don’t want a table. I want a big, comfy chair, leaning back, and my movie.
We are looking for seats only to find that we find two open seats at the very bottom of the auditorium. In the front…. and all the way to the left side. In office chairs.
We both are pretty pissed off at this point then our server comes over to announce himself about 30 minutes later of sitting in office chairs. I have no grudge against our server. He was fantastic and polite. I would normally say his name, but I think he was a genuinely good guy, so I don’t want his good name filthied in this article. We open the menu that is before us as we sit in our little office chairs and see this….
Oh thank god! Thank god they have the one thing that makes me happy. Endless refills of Dr Pepper (which they spelled wrong… there is no period in Dr Pepper, people, look at the fucking can). But even this spelling mistake was OK to me. I was happy in my little office chair. Even the Producer turned and said, “Look Junk, they have Dr Pepper!” She spells it correctly, too. When our server came back we over heard him telling the table next to us that the menus were wrong and they had Coke products and instead had Mr. Pibb. Mr. Pibb spells his name with a period. Mr. Pibb also tastes like rancid butthole. Suffice to say, I was not pleased in my little office chair.
Perhaps a movie and leaving me the fuck alone?
We ordered a couple drinks and a “big order” of potato skins that when they came out, not to be a dick, but in all sincerity, I asked, “when will the rest come out?” They were damn tasty, but there is no reason to call your potato skins a “big order” when there isn’t enough there to bite my appetite let along myself and the Producer.
I check the time. 11:40 pm. I check again. 11:46 pm. Again. 11:50 pm. It’s getting close. 11:52 pm. So close. 11:54 pm. It’s about time! 11:55 pm. Wait a minute. 11:56 pm. OK, it’s OK. 11:58 pm. Wha…. what’s going on? 12:01 am. I can hear the roar from the next theater. 12:03 am. OK, I’m getting pissy. 12:06 am the lights start to dim. 12:07 am the trailer package begins.
I have been very excited about this. Yes, the movie. But I was very excited to see the new Dark Knight Rises teaser attached to the print of HP7.2. It’s all the film sites were talking about yesterday. Up comes Sherlock Holmes 2. We struggle through it. It was bad. perhaps the trailer itself wasn’t so bad but the angle we were at, sitting in the far bottom left side, craning our necks to see anything, utterly elongating the left side while minimalizing the right. Right as the trailer began to end my mind started to make up for the error is perspective and forced it right in my mind. Then the trailer ended… thank god, the new Dark Knight teaser!!!
Then the movie started.
What? No Dark Knight teaser? I was a little pissed, but the movie started so it was hard to stay pissed for long.
Through the movie the drunken assholes next to us not only had their fucking phone go off three times but dropped a glass, shattering it and left it there. ]
Through out the movie the serving staff wandered around from table to table refilling drinks, asking what people needed. It’s a fucking movie, I need you to not talk to me, bother me, or get in my line of sight! I don’t like people talking during movies at home, I certainly don;t like people trying to talk to me when I am paying 36 fucking dollars to see a movie ($18 for the tickets, rest on food and drink we had to buy).
Then we went home. The End.
The movie is not much to talk about. With HP 7.1 kicking 7 shades of ass, 7.2 simply felt like an after thought. I think Warner Bros really, really, REALLY fucked up bad by making two films from this story. They should have told everyone who would surely come saying that it was wrong to go fuck themselves and they should have made the 7th movie a 4 and a half hour film. Put it all together in one story. The fans would not have cared.
Why? Because while I had emotional connections to these people movie 6 and 7.1, almost through out the entirety of 7.2 I could care less about them. There was no emotional sweep up. it was merely a visual companion to the book. the followed the Twilight example. To grasp what was happening I believe you had to have read the book. And that’s fine and dandy for the fans. But not for a film. 7.1 stands by it self as a landmark piece of of character building cinema in the same vein of Empire Strikes Back or Two Towers, leaving us unfinished but emotionally charged and fueled. 7.2, while being almost all action and up-paced sequences, never allows for breath and instead of being this epic ending to a story is just lack-luster and uneventful.
The jokes made in the movie are completely for the audiences’ sake, instead of making them a part of the story. They are out of place and annoying.
I know this is an old topic, but one I think must be brought up. They cut out way too much. When our friends start to die off there is little emotional element to make us feel anything for them. If Yates had take another 4-5 minutes per character who died, it might have made an impact, but instead we’re left with, “OK,they’re dead, move on.” Which is a shame, because when two certain characters perish I was left almost breathless in the book. And the cutting out of the god-parent bit with Harry, Remus and Tonks, was just … I can’t even think of a work that describes my disappointment. This place a role later on in the film, that is left untalked about.
Perhaps these deletions might just be cut scenes. Perhaps there is more character building moments that will amke us feel for people and events. As of now, I am left untouched.
On a whole the movie was not bad, just highly disappointing. As the Producer expertly said last night, “you can’t go from a 9.5 to a 5 and call it part 1 and 2 of the same movie.”
Underwhelmed, let down, and left shaking my head, HP7.2 gets a C- on the JunkCast scale. To make up for this, I have a picture of JunkCat in my sink.