Hobo With A Shotgun and I am Pissed at Machete

I talked about this not only on previous blogs but also in a couple different episodes of JunkCast.  It was the SXSW Grindhouse “Make Your Own Graindhouse Trailer” Contest Winner.  And yay, oh fucking yay.  They are making the movie.

The trailer is being called: “It’s gruesome; it’s violent; it’s completely insane.”  And I love every breathing second of it.  Starring Rutger Hauer, this adaptation of a fake trailer looks polished just enough to make it into a real film.  While the original was extreme video low quality, the new version looks like they kept the look of horrid film processing and ran with it, which is what makes it so appealing.

UNLIKE Machete. Has anyone else noticed that the trailers for Machete all look clean and crisp film?  It looks like something that has been made today.  It is supposed to look like it was made in the early 70s, with very shitty film stock and horrible transfer process.  It’s supposed to look like garbage.  And that was one of the major reasons I wanted the movie to not only come out but why I wanted to go see it.

Here -

Good, old school, crappy looking film quality images:

OK. Now here are some of the new stills for the movie that look too clean:

So it’s not just me, right?  If the movie is this clean, I will not spend money on it.  I will not support it.  You kill the quality, I will run out and see the fucker.  And another thing, then I promise I will let you go and you can watch awesomeness, why all the big name actors?  Isn’t supposed to be little shit names?  Danny Trejo was enough.  Once they brought in Alba (whom I am not a fan of), Michelle Rodriquez (whom I am OK with), and Lindsey fucking Lohan (whom I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole in fear of contracting gynosyphalitis-IV), Steven Segal (whom shall always be known as the COCK PUNCHER: puncher of cocks), and Robert De Niro (whom I hold no beef with aside from those terrible Analyze movies) you lose everything you might have had.  Now the audience is just gonna look at the movie and go:

“Heh, Jessica Alba is hot and is in the shower now.  And is hot.”

“Rober De Niro is awesome.  And is Robert De Niro.”

“HAHA, looks it’s Cheech.  Sing the Santa Clause and His Old Lady song, Cheech!”

OK OK OK 0-0 Enough depression.  Let’s get to why you clicked on this to begin with.  THE MOTHER FUCKING HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN!

Here is the new trailer and reason for me being happy today:

Here is the original contest winner:

And finally, director Jason Eisner’s short film, Treevenge.

Send an email to "Junk", the author of this post, at contact@myremoteradio.com.

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