So, this story starts back when I was 14.  I was walking out of a mall around Xmas time when I found two bills on the ground in the parking lot amongst the snow and ice.  There were 2 bills, both blue.  I thought first that they were just stained from salt or something.  Hey.  I was 14.  I was a retard.  When I picked them up they were gift certificates.  To Toys R Us.  Well, at 14 I had gotten mostly out of toys, trying to be cool and all.  So I packed them away.  Until about a year ago when I found them again.  And tonight… I just happened to drive by a Toys R Us.

We walked into Toys R Us with our heads held high.  We had $40 to blow.  I was king of the world.  Of course we walked around a bit.  I, without hesitation, aimed straight for the Star Wars aisle and perused their Vintage Card Style figures.  Bah.  No rare figures.  No Fetts.  No Sith.  No Imperial Troopers I didn’t already have.  Those are the only kind I allow myself to buy any more: Bounty Hunters, Sith, and Imperial Troopers.  No Rebels, no Jedi, and absolutely NO Clone War (I just don’t like the way they look).

Chest fallen, I moved on.  When I was looking online I found cool shit like Watchmen toys, Machete toys, Futurama toys, Godzilla toys and more.  I was sad that none of these were here.  Until I walked down the next aisle and found this exact section.

It took me about 30 minutes to narrow down my $40 to shit that I wanted, more over stuff I just wanted to waste the $40.  Check out some of the cool shit I picked up:

I got this not so much for the WoW factor but for the idea that he is a zombie and he will fit in nicely with my other zombie toy collection, next to the zombie movie category.

Aside from Boba Fett the Bike Scout was one of my al ltime favorite looking characters of the Star Wars universe.

Hip Hop figures… why, you ask?  I have a plan to repaint them and make them into my favorite Hip Hop duo, Phenom Paradox.

This will become JunkFX…

And this will be Dysfunxin L1.  Look forward to that post.  I am going to make a step by step blog post on how I repaint these guys.  It might not be that cool or really well done, but it’ll be fun, and you can look back and “shit, I remember when he bought those from Toys R Us.”

And finally, I needed a new hat.  I dig it.

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While I found some awesome, cool shit, the funniest stuff was the stuff I would never buy.

Didn’t I proclaim this son of a bitch “Douche of the Week?”  Why hasn’t he been taken care of?

CLOSE UP HATRED!!!

This sounds more like Fat Guy.

Well, that explains it then, with a name like that….

“Sweet Talking Ken?” Who is he trying to sweet talk?

Oooooh, he’s sweet talking Cam Whore Barbie to take off her top.  Barbie enters the Stickam and Chat Roulette generation.  Teaching the world’s female youth to be sluts, thanks Mattel.

And thank you Toys R Us for a great night and honoring my mall-parking-lot-found gift certificates!