On the list  of regular things that I do, making a trip to Borders is in the top 10 of my favorite things to do to kill time and see what’s out there.  I have my typical sections I have to hit while there.  Horror/sci-fi/fantasy are all conveniently tucked away in the store’s basement (hiding us nerds away from the “literary thinkers”), then I check out bargain books (because I’m cheap), and finally onward and upward to the second floor where it’s all comics and games and tweens.

Did that stop you in your tracks?  The fact that I look at the tween books?  Well I do.  I have no intention of reading them ever, I just like to see why kids are as stupid as they are.  The tween books say it all.

Row after row, aisle after aisle, are filled top to bottom with books that could all have the same title, Almost Twilight, and they would sell like hotcakes.  I’m serious here, I saw countless vampire and fallen angel titles.  It’s like they should set up an accompanying endcap filled to the brim with Evanescence CDs on it.

Just a couple of gothic faries is all.  Tragically beautiful for tweens.  Subliminal message : try and make a career of brooding.

Vampires and fallen angels are so heavily romanticized now, I feel bad for every young blooded male out there, because they will never live up to the Edward Cullins of the tween world.  I only ever had to compete against country music and romantic comedies building up women’s false hopes of men.  I don’t think I could ever compare to a lanky emo tween.

So you still don’t believe me about these books do you?  Well I went to the Borders website, and pulled up a few covers for your enjoyment…or disdain.

Feel depressed and like you want to try and have sex with a heavenly creature or something undead?  Well then these books are for you!

Personally, I think that there should be an emo kid lawn service…I mean if they want to cut something, they might as well make it my lawn.

So wait, what the hell does this have to do with Cthulhu?

Ah, this was merely to whet your tastebuds.  Click this link, or the Cthulhu image below to read the rest of this post.