Drug PSAs have been around since just about as long as TV has been around. We’ve all seen those ads from the 1960s about LSD, marijuana, coke, acid, and we laugh not only at the fashion, but also at the poor filmmaking and horrendous writing. Each time I think a lot of us watch these PSAs we’re left with more of a “dude…that actually sounds kinda cool” mindset, rather than a “oh snap, yeah those are not for me, thanks low budget PSA”.
So in the end, it wasn’t the cops, it was just a cool dude with more weed and women…
When I was growing up, cartoons were in like every single PSA. TMNT, Winnie the Pooh, Carebears, they all played their part in fighting this “war on drugs”. I remember my parents rented me the PSA below to teach me about it when I was a kid. I didn’t really understand it because, at least when I was a kid, drugs really weren’t a problem where I lived. OK so maybe, just like today, I was living in my own little nerdy world of Star Wars and Power Rangers and X-Men.
Cartoon All Stars…TO THE RESCUE. Thanks Bush family.
But outside of these feature length little films, that explore way too many drugs than a child can even comprehend. There have also always been short little 30 second PSAs that are super ineffective and also hilarious.
The Turtles:
Now let’s break this down.
This kid wears a leather jacket. So that automatically means he’s tough. He’s a loner Dottie, a real rebel. Also, this apparently makes him a “drug dealer”.
Now let’s quickly work on our definition of “drug dealer”. In my opinion this is a person who has a plentiful supply of various drugs, stands on a street corner looking bored, and makes harmless offers of said drugs to anyone who walks by. In a sense, he’s the most passive salesman in the world. He doesn’t pressure, because he doesn’t care, SOMEONE wants what he has…if not you, then someone else.
Our leatherbound friend here is more of a “peer pressure” character than a “dealer”, and let’s face it, he stole those joints from his dad. Why does his dad have joints? Probably because this kid is a stressful piece of shit and its the only way he can forget about his ruined life. Enter ninja turtles.
They ask a group of kids around a TV screen…”What should this kid do?”
The options presented are: Get a teacher/get outta there!
Then Michaelangelo chimes in with “get a pizza”.
What kid’s don’t notice, becuase they really have no understanding of what drugs do to you other than what they’ve been told, is that Michaelangelo is extremely fucking high, and when you are high you eat pizza. Ask just about anyone who their favorite turtle was…they will say Michaelangelo. Why? Because he was laid back, hilarious, and loved weird pizza concontions.
So through cartoons we trained our kids to think stoners are cool and funny. So now I’m confused. Is this PSA for or against drugs?
We’ll we aren’t sure. In the end the little kid being pressured for drugs simply walks off, and the turtles proclaim that “drug dealers are dorks”. But nowhere in this PSA does it say anything about drugs being bad for you. So obviously the turtles approve.
What did we learn? Drug dealers range in age from 8-infinity, normally wear leather coats, and are dorks…but drugs are totally awesome, and you get pizza.
The Magician:
So, not only is this magician the worst drug dealer ever, but he also has to deal with the most brainy, annoying kid on Earth. Again, it looks like the target age range was around 8 year olds. So just how is this ineffective?
This kid
First off, what is this kid? 5? 6? And he just happens to know how to say words like ”barbituates” and knows the side effects of “LSD”? Come on, that takes all of us right out of this mood that our creepy magician was setting. Any kid watching this when it first aired was having more fun making fun of the “book smart nerd” than listening to the actual message.
I think what’s more disturbing that our drug genuis little boy here is just how casually a random man in black showed up on a playground, and how quick kids were to run over to see what kinds of “colorful candy” he had brought with him.
Again, we have to go back to this fact, kids don’t know shit about drugs. So in a way, by you showing them all these pictures of weed, and pills and stuff, THEN INCORPORATING MAGIC, you make the kids curious. Maybe little Johnny can make weed appear if he practices magic?
But with every new drug magician that is trained, and anooying little 6 year old learns about the adverse side effects to sniffing glue. It’s yin and yang.
This magician is a horrible drug dealer anyway. This little smartass calls him out and says “all of this can hurt you, can’t it?” The magician agrees, then wonders why everyone runs away. Again, drug dealers are super passive, and honestly not the problem here.
What did we learn from this PSA: Magicians are creepy, high or sober, little kids are annoying when they learn how to talk, and that I’m 28 and finally saw my first barbituate.
The Pee-Wee:
What did we learn: Masturbating in public is way more satisfying than crack.
I Learned It From You:
So in this one we have a heavily mustached father, who’s confronting his son about a drug stash that looks stragnely familiar. Again, nowhere in this PSA is it coming out and saying “hey drugs are bad, don’t do them”. Instead this one just shows that cool parents who like to get high and grow badass mustaches have kids to want to get high and grow mustaches. So the dad shouldn’t be so offended when he finds out his kid is doing whatever drugs he is. I mean if anything, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. So in a way, this kid is just saying he loves his dad.
What we learned in this PSA: Doing drugs like your dad does shows him you think he’s your hero.
That’s Racist:
In what I can only assume was a PSA sponsored by the Black Panthers and the creators of Roots, the urban community learns that drugs are like slavery. So this PSA actually goes two-fold. 1. We learn a little history. After watching this PSA you learn what Africa looks like, and how slavery works. 2. We also learn our first conspiracy. That the man created heroine and crack to keep the poor community poor. But still, the only reason we know drugs are bad is because they relate them to slavery.
What we learned: According to the PSA, anti-drug people are extremely racist.
What do you think? Have you seen any classic/hilarious PSAs you want to share?
